Tag Archives: boredom

#MondayBlogs and I want to be alone!

This post idea was shared with my husband this weekend, so no worries. It’s all good in Lauraland.

Now, on to the blog post. What happens when you’re somewhat happily married, but sick to death of the romance looming ahead on Valentine’s Day? You’ve tried everything, talked to your partner until you’re blue in the face and can’t feel the infatuation. You love the spouse, like them most of the time, but a night out or a romantic anything? Bleh and no.

What to do?

starfish on the beach at sunrise

This starfish is enjoying the peace and quiet because he’s sick of his wife’s shit.

Nothing together, that’s what. I know, I know. I’m supposed to say something about working together, getting a counselor, upping this or increasing that. Which is great if you’re newlyweds or newly anything but if you’re in your fifteenth year as a couple and are feeling more done than a charcoaled steak? You both need a relationship vacation from each other. Not that this is an excuse to play around or get into serious trouble. The goal of a relationship vacation is to remember what being alone feels like. Note: Alone is different from lonely, and I’m going into fixing that problem in the next post. 

Right now, I’m recommending giving you two enough space, so you’re able to see the other’s great qualities. The relationship vacation can last anywhere from a few hours to a few days. The duration depends on your own personal needs. Some couples are refreshed in a short while, and others might need months to remember why they enjoyed their partnership.

What’s the best way to take a break? There are a lot of fun ideas, depending on your time and finances. A class in something you’d wanted to learn, a weekend out of town visiting museums, or a week visiting family and friends are all good options. A solo road trip in a luxury vehicle, a week in Tuscany, or a weekend spa treatment would be terrific on the upper financial end, and I vote yes for any of them.

Something else to notice? If you happen to have the urge to share all of this with a new love interest, find a good couples counselor. Wanting a new partner is a symptom of a deeper problem any blog post can fix. There’s a deep unmet need to deal with that requires professional help, or at least more expert than I am.

If you have any other ideas of what do to on a relationship vacation, comment below! I’d love to hear them. My husband and I spend so much time together, we do have to plan time apart just to take a small break. How about you? Is too much time together a problem, or would you like my take on a different issue? Again, comment below and thanks for reading this far.


Next Monday: How memory lapses and procrastination can hinder Frequently Asked Questions being answered as well as alone versus lonely. I don’t even want to go into it right now.

#MondayBlogs and New Year’s Romantic Resolutions

In my last blog post, I alluded to the lump in the easy chair you married years ago. With all the Valentine’s Day products in the store, expectations ratchet up to a dizzying height until the hard fall on the day of when nothing happens.

What to do? Is there anything that CAN be done without the help of pharmaceuticals or a cattle prod?

Yes! Lots of things. Here’s a handy list. Not every item will work for every couple, but there are lots of fun things to try. Some will require planning and others can be last minute.

  1. Recreate your first date, especially if it was a good one. If the time was horrible, but your love survived anyway? Great! Recreate the first date you wished you two had had back then.
  2. Flowers are popular and rightly so. But cut bouquets on THE day? Eh, expensive and I’d suggest something with a twist. Planting flowers instead of buying floral arrangements. In some parts of the world, the idea of gardening now is a bad idea. However, planning a flower garden together, visiting a local greenhouse or store’s gardening section, and working together on your flowers in the future is a fun way to bring a couple together.
  3. I personally love going out for dinner on V-Day evening. But the crowds! OMG, no. Not romantic at all. So how do you cope? Cooking together at home! Now, my husband brought home a fondue fountain, but you don’t need to be that fancy. It’s wonderful to fill it with chocolate and dip frozen strawberries. You can bake heart shaped cakes, pink cupcakes, anything you both enjoy eating.
  4. This is a little on the naughty side, but still lots of fun. Mainly because I get embarrassed and crack dumb jokes the entire time, but visit an adult store. No, it’s not something for everyone. If you’d like something a little spicy or way out there sexy, why not give it a try? I secretly want every pair of stripper shoes, but no. I have my limits.
  5. All of the prior suggestions assume you don’t have children or have a sitter in case you do. Thinking you can get someone to watch the kids for the weekend, you two can plan a simple honeymoon weekend. In one of my books, I had the hero do just that. The VERY Best Man, if you’re interested, and it’s free at the moment. Since the hero has a friend who’s a manager at a big name hotel, he arranged some time in the place’s pool and hot tub. Why not take that idea and run with it? The hotel can be as fancy as you want, or not. Room service or pizza delivery for dinner, and a weekend alone, together.

These are just a few things you can do, and the idea is to remember why you fell for this person in the first place. No matter what you try, the primary goal is you do them together. My husband loves surprising me with a small bouquet from the grocery store and a mushy card. I like surprising him by forgetting the day entirely or even better, buying him a card and misplacing it until July. I did mention he’s the romantic one of us two, right?

Which makes this a good time for reminding everyone to make time for your relationship. Nothing says you have to spend only one day out of the year for romance. It’s not as tough as you might think to plan the occasional date night. My husband and I do this, and we don’t go all fancy most of the time. We’ll find a new walking trail to explore, get a Groupon to a new restaurant, or just order a pizza and have a Netflix binge night. The main goal is to spend an evening or two together to reconnect and remember why you started liking this person to begin with.

(I had lovely photos planned but scrapped it because part of showing your love for someone is hanging around, cleaning, until the DirectTv guy shows up to fix the broken thingy so your someone can watch the game on the biggest tv in the house.)


Too ADD for #MondayBlogs! #RT15 bound!

Hi everyone! I’m going to be at the Romantic Times Booklovers Convention in Dallas starting tomorrow. There are so so many Facebook friends who are amazing writer and superstars. It’s going to be tough to not be shy and all shucks when anywhere near them.

But, I’ve promised to be my usual outgoing self, so, ok!

What value added substance can I give you on a day where I’m too excited to think straight? Easy!

My daughter turned me on to sleep helping tunes and hypnosis. Sounds freaky and new agey, but it’s totally not. I love to go to Ipnos Soft for my fall asleep to tunes. While the binaural beats sound interesting, I’m not sure they’re effective. Hypnosis to fall asleep to or just listen to on a sleepy afternoon? Glenn Harrold and Amy Applebaum have wonderful and free apps. The additional sessions are super reasonable too. Sadly, you can’t learn by osmosis when asleep, but these do knock me out when I can’t take hours to fall asleep.

Why the Ipnos? Because you can mix and match sounds. Like in my case, when I want to daydream about wagon trains and the old west, they have an app for that. I can add in song birds and flowing rivers to wagon wheels and get the perfect background noise for my novels.

Why Glenn and or Amy? Because every writer has an insecurity about their work. You’re creating something from your imagination. How much more nebulous and personal can you get? Then to put it out there for people to hopefully love, but probably laugh at? Yeah, it’s hard! I love their confidence hypnosis. I don’t know how much it helps, but it certainly doesn’t hurt. Then for the readers, there’s all sorts of sports performance, healthy body attitudes, stop procrastination, and a host of other affirming hypnosis scripts.

I’d want to warn anyone who tries these out to NOT and NEVER do so while driving or operating heavy machinery. I’m a person who has a really tough time falling asleep and yet these products knock me out cold. It really is a never do. So go, try them out while not driving anything and see what you think.

I don’t mention Mike Mandel, THE greatest hypnotist, because he’s more of a teacher and serious therapist. He’s who you see when needing serious mental help and a general script can’t help you. He and Chris Thompson have a Brain Software podcast that is serious, silly, and always entertaining. I also don’t mention Joseph Clough because while I love his podcasts, I personally can’t listen to his hypnosis. He whistles his s’s and x’s, and I can’t take it. But that’s me. You’re mileage may vary and probably does.

Boredom and Writer’s Block.

First of all, I could do links in all this to substantiate my words.  But I’m not.  I’ve had migraines off an on for the past six days and am not up to it mentally.  So, google for yourself and if I’m wrong, please comment.  Otherwise, come along and read something fun.

We live in a world of constant mental stimulation. Or maybe it’s just me.  With internet, TV, books, video games, being outside, work, gym, kid, cats, husband, friends, and crafts, I am only  bored in one place, bed.  I was, anyway, until my family teamed up and bought me an iPod touch for Christmas.  Now, even just before sleep, I’m not bored.  It’s my Words with Friends/self-improvement hypnosis time.  Which is both good and bad.

Why both?  Because electronics are infringing upon my “I’m bored but am fretting too much to sleep” time.  It was the one uninterrupted part of my day where I could imagine what if’s based on the day’s information.  Like, what if a couple made a deathbed promise to be married?  What if the one time a bride thought her sister would leave her guy alone, she doesn’t? My latest is what if someone could literally buy the sun?  How would that impact the world’s population?  Another is what if there was a world where eyes evolved in air? And another, how would we communicate with a species who lives in a place where we’d freeze solid? Or instantly burn into vapor?

All of these are fun ideas to ponder.  A few are already books.  What I think a lot of people call writer’s block is actually a lack of being bored.  Lives are so full of distractions, it takes away the time to just daydream and speculate.  We need that time to fill in our own blanks, not let others putty it in for us.

Bottom line? Boredom is not something to be feared.  Instead, it’s a good time to use the quiet to bust up that writer’s block.  There’s not a lot of chances to be bored in a world where even the stores’ checkout lines have televisions. So do yourself a favor and schedule in some daydreaming time and see how much fun your mind can have on its own.